Is leaving the only way to wake up my husband??

I feel like I am being such a baby because my problems are so minimal in comparison to the other married women I know, but I still am not happy. I don't know if my standards may be set to high, but I know I want/deserve someone who lives to wake up next to me, and longs to spend their days off with me, I don't want money, flowers, or candy, just some quality time. I just want to feel attractive again and ever since I had the baby, I feel he's just disguisted with me...am I being too hard on him? I mean he doesn't beat me, cheat on me, use drugs or alcohol, he's an excellent father, and he pays all of our bills so that i can spend my money how I want... So i'm just wondering if he would take me for granted after he saw that I wasn't going to take it.. but i'm scared it will backfire and he won't follow me... i don't know what to do, i'm 20, married two years, with a 3mo old baby... can anyone help?

Is leaving the only way to wake up my husband??
Ok, first off, this has nothing to do with your relationship with your husband.


“So i'm just wondering if he would take me for granted after he saw that I wasn't going to take it.” this is it, the rest of what you wrote is just blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.


How he may or not feel about you today, tomorrow is about as relevant as what I think or feel about you.


And just for the record here’s what I think of you. I ran spell check on the text of your question I found one typo.


Let me stop here for a minute, based on the number of typos I see here that fact means one of two things,


A. you care, which is kinda sexy, or


B. you’re smart which is very sexy


back to the typo, you spelled the word disgusted - disguisted, what did spell check offer up, disguised


OK, Freud, a man whose been dead for I don’t know how many years just got a hard on the size of the state of Florida!


Forget about him, your a mother, you’ve got a baby, babies rock.


Guys despite what allot of women might think are just as ****ed up an insecure as they are.


Please, let me summarize,


You’re all messed up and scared because everything is different.


He’s all messed up and scared because everything is different.


Cutting and pasting is the most awesome invention!





Love your baby, love your husband, teach your kid that love is good and fear is bad and all will be right in your world.





All the best, ew
Reply:Happiness takes time, it took me years to become happy all the time. Focus on yourself, think of yourself as alone in the world, very hard to do with a baby, but if you can do it, you will be happy with yourself and your husband will find you very attractive.


All the best to you and your family. Report It

Reply:Does he work all the time? Sounds like he works the majority of the time. What you need to do is make a date with him every week and work around his work schedule to make time for the two of you. Can you have someone watch the baby so you two can enjoy downtime? Or a date out? Make a life for yourself around your schedule. Go to the gym or go to a movie. Find something you enjoy doing at home as well. The baby is young enough that it should be feasible to do. You can't rely on him to make you happy. You have money to spend so you shouldn't be that limited. Be creative and have fun. You both will be happier.
Reply:I would point out how you feel to him. And maybe try some counseling.
Reply:Write to him, or email him, pour your heart out and tell him how you feel, he needs to know.....God bless ya
Reply:He sounds like a good guy. I wouldn't leave him. There are many asses out there. The other way is to work on yourself. Join a gym get your self in great shape. Eat right. Get a hobby. Spend more time doing stuff with the baby. Get your self confidence up. get dolled up. Stop complaining let him eonder what the heck is going on. Once month in the gym is all you need to see a difference. Once you do that ... he will follow.
Reply:Do NOT leave unless you mean it. And, right now your hormone levels are going crazy, and you are really emotional. Find a friend or family member that can keep the baby over night, and have a nice romantic dinner with hubby, and spend some quality time together. Do not lose a good man - they are not always easy to find.
Reply:Sounds like you're playing games. Marriage is serious, it's a lifetime commitment. I think running away from issues instead of talking them out is a slippery slope. Besides, it could backfire and you could find that once you leave, he doesn't want you back.
Reply:Now, is definately not the time to leave!! You both are probably still in shock!





Talk to him. Let him walk away and come back to talk to you when he feels safe/competant/comfortable. Men need time alone to figure out what they feel and what they're going to say.





Tell him what you think and feel. Let him sit with that and don't expect him to have a response right away. What you have to say is probably quite heavy and might take him some time.





Ask him what he thinks and feels.





Get some time alone. Have the grandparents or friends take your baby for a night, and go be 17 again. But be patient with him.
Reply:Never ever resort to games or manipulation to get your husband's attention. It will backfire on you in a huge way and is not what you want to do.





First, I would talk to your doctor. They can give you some ideas on what you should be expecting from your physical and emotional state. You've just had a baby; it's a huge adjustment physically and psychologically...give yourself some time.





Secondly, talk to your husband. He may be feeling the same way and just afraid to bring it up. A lot of your attention is going to your child and he may be feeling left out. Maybe he feels like you...that he'd come across as being whiny. There's nothing in your post that indicates that you've made an effort to talk to him. You're just going on what you think he feels without actually asking him.





Finally, it doesn't sound like he's turned his back on you, but it does sound like you're having issues with your attractiveness and self image. "I just want to feel attractive again and ever since I had the baby, I feel 'he just disgusted with me." That's not him talking, that's you. He doesn't need to wake up, you need to acknowledge this huge transition you're BOTH undergoing. It's not fair to blame him for what may be a very natural process you're having to struggle through.





Calm down, talk to your husband.
Reply:If you tell him that you are leaving there is a good chance that he would tell you the same thing that i would and that would be goodbye.


Everyone needs their own quiet time every now and then and just because he isn't with you 24/7 when he is off doesn't mean that he doesn't love you.


Just talk to him and tell him how you feel is your best option.
Reply:You mention something out of nowhere.You talk about all these issues and how great he is.Then say what if i dont put up with it.With what?You made him sound great.Theres a problem tho.It sounds like 1 or 2 things.It sounds like yu suspect he's not attracted n e more.If u look n the mirror an how muc of a differant then thats somethin u may want to work on.I was very weight consious and she got heavy and i delt with it but when she lost wieght i was wayyyyyyyyyyyyyy more attracted.Sorry if that sounds shallow but it was a physical attraction.They say sometimes guys witness birth and then the women sexually it seems dirty to them,like not right.Itmay be that u require alot of attention.More than he's wanting to give.That happened to me.I was "choked".No free time.Well good luck n I hope I said 1 thing that helps u.
Reply:Don't leave talk to him, cause if you leave he might not come chasing you, so you stay put so he can love you even more.He sounds like a great man don't mess it up, plenty of women would love to be in your shoes.
Reply:Have you tried sitting him down and discussing this with him? How you feel (don't accuse, just discuss). If you can't communicate then your marriage has a very deep problem. If you don't tell him how you feel, how can he know there's an issue? Don't leave without him knowing you were unhappy...and don't expect him to read your mind (he can't).





If talking doesn't help significantly, see if he'll agree to see a marriage counselor with you...if you leave, he could get you for abandonment if he decided divorce was in order.
Reply:Have you tried to talk to him to tell him how you feel. You are not being a baby or selfish, we all want affection, it's human nature. Maybe you should try to do something for him special out of the blue. Send him a sweet I LOVE YOU text message in the middle of the day. Leave a nice greeting card that shows how you feel about him or one night when he comes home from work greet him at the door w/ something sexy and dinner ready on the table. He's bound to respond in a nice way.
Reply:Geez...


I work days


she works nights


we switch watching the kids


She spent our last wedding anniversary with her mother, not me.





You need to remember the dating time and how you got attracted to him in the first place.


20yrs is too young to make this snap judgment, especially since you just gave birth. It takes a while to get out of the "post-birth blues."
Reply:Well, if you haven't told him how you feel... maybe you should show him this question. This question is how you feel, if he responds positively towords it (and you get happier) don't leave.





If you tell him and he gets worse or doesn't change, and you don't get happier, think about maybe leaving (think). Keep in mind if you wait until the child is old enough to remember the divorce... may have some bad impacts on its life.


but do not leave him if you don't tell him/ show him how you feel. I'm sure he will be clueless. Perhaps what you asked will wake him up.





Also remember what you are in is a mental state, our perception changes from time to time, maybe after you tell him... wait a little.
Reply:Id say with a man like that dont let go. My suggestion is talk to your husband communication is a very important key in marriage. Let him know how you feel and what youre not liking in the relationship %26amp; seek solutions together.
Reply:You are very young and this being a new parent is hard on BOTH of you. You also sound like you may have mild post pardum depression. Do you tell him he is a good father and praise him for helping with the baby and house? Men love to be admired and need to know they are respected and appreciated, if they feel that, there is nothing in the would he wouldn't do for you including showing affection.
Reply:if your feeling bad about yourself after the birth of the baby, it has all to do with u, and not him. be glad u have a good man, so many don't. it could backfire, and u could find yourself divorced. seems as if there might be another way to handle all this, before going to such drastic measures such as leaving him. talk to him, ask him for what u want from him. your disgusted with yourself i am sure it has nothing much to do with him.
Reply:No, don't leave him. Get him to couple's therapy. You miss the romance. The touching, teasing %26amp; dating part of the relationship. Ask him if he'll try to touch you at least __ amount of times a day. Rent HIS favorite movie %26amp; ask him to sit beside you cuddled up on the couch. Or (hate to say this but) fake that your really scared...u "heard a noise" or "had a nightmare" and could he just hold you till you fall back asleep. Terrible to feel like you have to fake him into holding you but what ever gets you into his arms. Have you tried asking him? lol I'm sure you have. I hope this helps. Good luck!
Reply:We all want the soap opera romance, but life isn't a script mailed out daily. You gotta just live your life as it is and take it as it comes. If you don't want to be with your husband, then leave, but it seems that you have something decent going on. You can work on and improve that. Just give it a try.
Reply:Why don't you start by telling him that you are unhappy and explaining, in a calm and rational manor, what it is that you need from him.


Tell him that you are miserable enough that you feel marriage counseling is necessary.


Leaving to get your way never works... it just throws a lot of distrust and hurt in the mix.
Reply:I guarantee it would back fire on you! I am that guy you just described! No I'm not your husband. Different people show love in different ways. You know what? I'm not going to go into this stuff with you. Let me tell you whats going to happen. You'll leave playing your little games then Some beautiful blond bimbo who has had her eyes on him will swoop in and grab him. At court when you try to plead your case the judge will frown and may give him the child because you haven't grown up yet. They live happily ever after,and you stew in your bitterness blaming him for all your woes!
Reply:You have 98% of what most women only dream of. Gees. If the only problem is that you dont feel attractive anymore, then talk to him about it.....dont leave just because of that. He sounds like a great guy and there will be other women who would jump on the chance to find half that good. So yes,,,,,u need to think real hard on what you are saying. If your only fault with him is that he doesnt compliment you enough or whatever....then talk to him about it. You may be suffering from post partum depression too. Maybe talk to a counciler or your mom if possible. Someone who can shed some light on whats going on with you. But first and formost, dont throw away a good marriage over this small problem. Just talk to someone or talk to him. I am sure its nothing that cant be worked out. After you have a baby, sometimes it takes a year or so for your hormones to go back to normal. Just keep that in mind. You are very hormonal still and probably a little edgy still. and of course your body isnt what it used to be. but it will be with time. Dont be depressed about it, you have made a wonderful thing and something some women only dream of because they are not fortunate enough to have children. Take it stride hun. It will get better, just talk to whomever you feel you need to and hang on to your hubby and family. It will be worth it in the end. Good luck to you.
Reply:No! The person in need of waking up is you. You felt attractive before you got with your man and it had nothing to do with what anyone said or did to you. Attraction and beauty is in the eye of the beholder. You are the beholder not your husband. If you felt good about yourself then you'd see how good he feels about you and if he didn't feel attracted to you then you wouldn't be hurt because you know you are attractive. It is hard for men to find a pregnant belly attractive, the stretching and the weight gain all over does affect how they see you. If you want to get his attention then lose the baby weight, stop dressing like you just had a baby and be the hottie you were when you got him to make that baby with you. Men need to be drawn in by the physical because they are physical creatures. Moreso than women. God just made us differently and their job is to focus on the physical and our main job is to focus on the emotional. You'd have more quality time if you didn't have a baby so you need to adjust to having the baby in your lives and make time for quality engagments without the baby. If you leave him and he is truly loving you as you say, you are hurting him, the baby and yourself all because you did not recognize your misery as a lack of ambition to improve your image of yourself. Fix your self image and he'll be begging to make another baby with you.
Reply:Leaving is the worst thing you can possibly do. I left and divorced my husband now I want him and we are planning to remarry but there are some things he did in between our break that he doesnt want to tell me about and im finding these out by text messages he sent and from some he received. So dont leave him. Talk to him.



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