I'm pregnant alone and devastated-b/f cheated and is gone and now I don't know what to do.?

Hi there....I've posted stuff on here before during the early part of my pregnancy when things "seemed" fine and I appologize for this long post but I really have nowhere to turn right now, I actually feel that I'm in a very dark place and I'm scared, but here's my story: back in 2003 I met and fell in love with what I thought was the most amazing guy. He said he loved me as well and we dated for over a year until one night when I called him, another girl answered the phone....well it didn't end very well and I was devestated. After a year went by I received roses for my birthday at work. I knew instantly they were from him even though there was no card. A few weeks went by and I sent him an email and questioned why he sent me flowers and how dare he do so. He told me that I wasn't supposed to know who they were from but that someone was thinking of me. Anyways, we started talking and he told me that he was sorry how things ended but that I was always on his mind and that he still loved me and would like a life with me. Naive as I am we started dating again and this time he told me he would never hurt me again. Things were even better than I could of imagined(so i thought). We were together all the time and he constantly showed me he loved me as much as he could. He even told me that he wanted to have a baby with me which caught me by surprise. But he wanted us to get a house together first. My family and friends adored him and I met his family and friends who he said all loved me and thought I was great. There was a problem in our relationship tho that was really frustrating...I kept getting bacterial vaginosis every time we had sex (was on the pill so we didn't feel the need to use a condom and because I thought we had a commited relationship). My doctor told me it's not an STD so I felt something was wrong with me. Oct of 2006 I found out I was pregnant because of the antibiotics causing the pill to fail. After that, things became distant with us even though he still told me he loves me and wants things to work. I gave him an ultimatim and told him if he wants out, there's the door. He told me he could never do that and he loves me too much, that I'm the best thing to ever happen to him and without me he has nothing. So things started to get a little better and he became excited about having a little girl. He was constantly kissing and rubbing my belly when she moved and talking to her. He would always hold me tight and tell me he loves me. Well last night I called him because we were going to do something and a girl answered. She said she was his girlfriend and they have been living together since 2002 but that they broke up briefly in Jan of 2006 but got back together shortly thereafter. So to make a long story short, he's been living a double life and both her and I have been played. I've even been to his place and there was no indication of a woman living there. He was telling her the same wonderful, sweet things that he told me. We ended up talking for an hour and both said sorry about what happened as we both suspected something wasn't right. I told her I'm pregnant and she asked when I was due. I told her May 11, 2007 and she told me that's when they're going to the US to visit her sister. She also told me that they are planning to move to another city next month. What is this guy thinking? She even told me she kept getting the same infections every time they had sex. I really don't know what to do as I want him to pay for doing this to me. I'm going to have this baby in 6 weeks and I know now that I'm alone as I think he's too much of a coward to face me...I don't think I'm ever going to hear from him again and there's no way I'm going to contact him unless it's though a lawyer regarding child support. I'm afraid he's going to deny this baby and tell his "other" girlfrind that the baby isn't his and that I'm crazy or something. I really want him to hurt though as I don't want him to get away with such deception. I could go on in length about the whole situation but would really like some advice on what I can do. I'm not a vengeful person but like I said, I want him to hurt more than me. I do know too that my baby comes first and I need to take care of myself but I can't stop crying..I've been crying since 3:00AM and it's now 7:16PM here. I'm a mess and really need some good advice to help me through.








April 1 I received an email from him. This is what is said:





"I wonder if you're even gonna get this, maybe you've blocked me already....hopefully. I'm sorry things turned out this way. I just ruin everything, I dont know why, I just do. I'm sorry for your sake...that you ever met me. I'm sure there's nothing you even want to hear from me so I'll just say goodbye."





I guess what I'm looking for is for someone to interpret his response. Is he looking for me to respond to him? Don't get me wrong, I'm not looking to get back with this loser, I just want to know if I should respond and how. It's really bothering me that he didn't even mention his baby in the email. It just sounds like he wants me to feel sorry for him. I want to tell him off so bad. Any advice on how I should respond or if I should respond at all. Would it drive him crazy if I just don't respond? I just feel it would help me get through this pain to know he's hurting and wants some kind of contact with me. I don't know if I'm making any sense, please help. Thanks.

I'm pregnant alone and devastated-b/f cheated and is gone and now I don't know what to do.?
Oh no, defitely respond. Something along the lines of:





"Yes, you are very correct. You ruin everything, but you will not be allowed to ruin this precious little girl's life. She is STILL due 5/11/07, and she will still need things in order to survive and grow properly. You can respond to this with your proposed child support, which we will take to attorney. See, I'm giving you the chance to make some of this right!"





Then you will file for child support (get his full name, and Social Security No/National Insurance Number...- there are search engines on the internet you can use, and it's not all that expensive) If he won't pay direct, take ot direct from his check! It hurts, but you have to do what you have to do for your daughter. This is a person that doesn't care (until he's caught) - walk with your eyes wide open! Do not trust him.
Reply:aa Report It

Reply:DON'T TELL HIM A THING. He ruins peoples lives. He ruined


your relationship and will ruin others. GO TO AN ATTORNEY.


THE FIRST VISIT IS USUALLY FREE. HE TOLD YOU WHAT HE DID TO GET WHAT ONLY HE WANTED. HE IS A GRADE A JERK !!! Report It

Reply:Screw him, once a cheater ALWAYS a cheater. Serve his butt with child support papers which he owes to you rightfully. Gain the support of your family and friend's through this hard time. You may even think about counseling. Your first priority is you and your baby, no one else. So do what is best for both of you, think with your head not your heart on this one. Because your heart will lead you to more pain and deceit.
Reply:I think you should write him back and say the following:





Yes, you have definately ruined things. Not only for me, but for your child as well. She'll never know her father and for that I'm sorry. Yes, you will be hearing from me AND my lawyer. Have a nice life with the girlfriend you've been living with since 2002. See you in court!





That's just what I would say. I'm sorry you're hurting and I hope everything works out for the best!!
Reply:Why is it that when you really love a man they never love you the same until your gone...let me tell you I sympathize for you because i was pregnant with an abuser as you a cheater and the pain is equvilent. He told me he wasn't going to help me I would have to do it alone and I freaked as he manipulated me for years yes naive and took my money as he had no job at the time I provided for him because I felt I needed him...then something said no more found out about being pregnant and I instantaneously got an abortion...I was an emotional mess he took SO MUCH and even today I want him to pain how he made me, from the years of humiliation on down to his torment however I know that if I begin to focus on today and how I can be the biggest success ever that will hurt him more than causing physical pain seeing you happy with a good man...will be his insanity...men like that who dont appreciate good woman usually have a hard time finding "the right one" for me its a day by day thing one minute I want to call him and tell him how horrible he is...the rational side comes back and knows that leaving it to fate is my best bet...in 5 years he will always regret his decision when he looks at his healthy daughter an encryption in cells of you as funny as it sounds





There is no escape for him...as that ex of mine who took everything from me...there will be no escape for him when I am at the height of my success he will have to live everyday with what he did to me girl he even had the nerve to ask how I got a 3 1/2 inch scar on my back that he placed there...All i know how to do is pray...I feel your pain but we all have to go through something that will make us much stronger than before....





Good Luck and I wish you well Get yourself out the house get your hair and nails, toes done and remember how beautiful you are inside and out.





You are his lost...he wants siympathy f him totally don't respond to his pathetic behind...let him see you in court!
Reply:im so sorry...
Reply:Well, that is my worst nightmare that you are going through. Fortunately, I have some friends that are going through the same thing so I can give you some pointers. Keep your family and true friends close for support. You're going to need it being a single mother. It's going to be hard but as soon as you see your baby girl you will know that it will be all worth while. As for him and his email, he sounds exactly like the man that done the same thing to my friend. He is trying to get his foot back in the door to put you on the back burner incase his relationship doesn't work out. You are worth way more than to be second best to anyone! If you do decide to respond to his email I would advise you to say as little as you can, keep it short, and list the specifics. Don't tell him that he can't see his child or he can use that against you in court! Tell him something along the lines that your relationship is finished, it has been since he cheated. You are doing fine and YOUR baby is doing fine. As soon as the baby is born you are going to file for child support and if he needs a paternity test than the court will issue one. Other than that... you have several options if your family can't help you raise your child. I know you are young and children require so much but you can get assistance with childcare while you go to school, you can sign up for free housing, also known as HUD, you can get food stamps to help out with the child, and if he isn't paying child support there's also something called AFDC I do believe. Also your child will need to see her father, I wouldn't deny him seeing her but I would make sure he get's supervised visitations where he cannot leave with her. Your daughter will need to know her father, even though you two probably won't be together she will need the stability of knowing who her father is. You need to really sit down with your family and have a talk, let them know what's going on and how you feel. You need someone to confide in hon. You really do. I've never been in that situation but I have helped out a dear friend of mine and now her life is on track and she's in college making a life for her and her two baby boys. You will be a great mother and don't let a man like that bring you down because you deserve the best sweetie. Take care and congratulations your child is a blessing hon.
Reply:Basically, he does want you to feel sorry for him. He is expecting 1 of 2 responses from you, a) you'll say it's alright in a number of words b) you'll go crazy on his @$$.
Reply:when my daughter got the same thing happen we took her in and i made sure they had my name we took care of everything the real father was and still is a deadbeat and now the oldest is 13 the youngest is 10 and still with us they are family and not married doesn't change that to us they are family no matter what happens
Reply:you poor thing.


You soun like you've fallen in love wih a b@stard. He sounds like he's very charasmatic and you shouldn't blame yourself for falling for him.


You should IGNORE the email. It will drive him crazy thinking you're over him. you arwe going through a very emotional time right now, being 34 weeks pregnant.


PLEASE DONT TAKE HIM BACK. he deceived you and this other woman in the worst possible way and it sounds like he was sleeping around behind both of your backs too, and giving you STD's.





A baby will alomst certainly eiher bring you such joy and strength that you'll see a light at the end of the tunnel, or, and this is important, BRING ON POSTNANTL DEPRESSION. you MUST talk to your midwife about what's happened, and now, before the baby is born. You are going through hell and crying for such a long period of time is not healthy for you or baby.





my partner left me in feb with a 19mth old. i felt like the world was ending for a week, then i caught a terrible cold, and then i had something else to think about and soon felt i was over my ex. it only took 10 days, but they were the longest days of my life.


I'm not saying this will happen to you, but try and think on the bright side.





please contact me if you wantr a one to one natter, o9r if you just want someone to talk/ cry to. where are you? I'm uk, Derby
Reply:uhh yea .. i think he might be just acting all sorry but i don't know him and stuff. i don't think you should respnd but you should get a lawyer and contact him about child suport ! well this is only the opinion of 13 year old but i hope you well !


-also read my question ..its story too-
Reply:I think they call it C O L D F E E T!!!! ... in cases like this the advantage is on the boys side


for you


with six weeks to go


a bit hard to change


your mind now





respond to the email :


The baby is due on ...


(--/--/----)





You are going to a mum soon ... a single one at that. How old are u ? What are your plans for the unborn child ?





I am a single mum to five year old boy/girl twins been tied up in regular visits to the family law court .... i think the twins father would be doing us all a favour and just left the country,





sometimes it is best they are out of the picture ... tough call for you ... but life is not about looking for the one to blame it about how one faces the character building exercises in thier path we all did what we did for the same reason ... circumstances ...
Reply:I really feel for you, I am in a similar situation. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 years, we planned on getting married, having kids etc in a couple of years. I found out last week that I am pregnant, and he doesn't want to know. I have also been sitting here crying all night and today, and for the last week. He says he is not ready, and that I have an option to have the baby or not, he is basically making me choose between having the baby and him leaving me, or having an abortion and being with him! I know I could not go through an abortion though, whether he is going to be around or not.





To make things worse, we are living in an apartment owned by his father, and he has told me I have to leave, because his son does 'not want my baby', and his family 'are not like this.' So I may have to move back to my mother's home. Also, I am in my final year at university, my thesis is due in in like 2 weeks, and I have exams to get through as well. I feel so alone, even though I have family support. I do not know how I am going to do this alone. I feel ashamed to say that I have even considered suicide, as I see no way out of this nightmare. I really don't want to be a 21 year old single mother, and I wanted better for my children, but it looks as though I have no choice.





Sorry to baffle on!but my point is that you are not alone, unfortunately you can never truly know someone, no matter how well you think you do. My boyfriend also promised me the world, that he loved me, and would be there no matter what, but at the first sign of trouble he has scarpered. Unfortunately some men just cant cope with the prospect of becoming a father, no matter what age, most men never grow up. They can just leave and get on with their lives, and sadly we do not have this choice. I also feel like getting my revenge, and I am so angry and upset just now, but I know that for the sake of the baby inside me I need to calm down. Just remember your baby will also feel your pain. Do you have support from family or friends? Maybe you should stay with someone else just now, as you shouldn't be alone with your thoughts, you need support. I am going to stay with my mum tonight and try the best I can to get through my last months of uni. Ive worked too hard the last 4 years to let myself down now.





Look at it this way, if you had not had found out what kind of person he was now, you would have one day. At least your child wont have to go through the same thing with him, playing with his or her feelings. I know it might not feel like it now, but I really believe that everything happens for a reason, and when you have your child that will be all you will care about. There are a lot of men like our partners out there, but there are some good people! Things will work out one way or another. I really hope you the best of luck, and I will be thinking of you x
Reply:Forget this guy!!. Look forward to the future with your new baby and a new life. This guy really sucks, and i don't even consider him a REAL man. Face the future, don't look back on the bad things in the past, yes it hurts very much, and when those times of pain come around, and you feel the urge to cry, just let it out. And when it's all finish,





pick yourself up and keep on going. I believe this man who has hurt you will be hurt 1000 more worse. And trust me, "what goes around comes around". Stay focused on the baby for now,





I hope and pray you will find the man of your dreams and he will take care and love both you and your child. Keep your head up high, and be strong. I wish you blessings in your life and i hope that everything will work out for the best...





"Keep The Faith"



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