Are all men like this or do I just have the pick of the litter... =\?

I am in a very serious relationship..





Never once has he taken it upon himself to buy me flowers. I even had to ASK.





The engagement was nothing special.. he didn't try to surprise me or make it romantic at all.





When we found out we were pregnant recently.. nothing. He did nothing to show me he was excited.





I guess it's just me.... but if I was a guy I would do all these sweet things for my girl.. flowers.. cards.. litle notes.. I used to do these things for him until he showed no appreciation.





Am I asking for too much?





I guess I'm just hurt bc I thought he was going to be much more excited over the baby and I would at least get some flowers or a card!





shi*!!!

Are all men like this or do I just have the pick of the litter... =\?
If I may suggest a book for you and your fiance to read:





The 5 Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman





I think from what I see that you two are missing what the other one truly needs to be happy. Maybe start to buy him small little things every once in a while or make him a nice card or something. It sounds to me (and if you read the book it will to you too) that gifts is your primary love language and it could be his too, but you never know until you try it.





You sound like you truly want this to work out and since you are going to be married, I truly believe you do, and I can tell you that this piece of advice changed the dynamics of my relationship with my fiance.





Best of luck to you! Feel free to e-mail me if you want more info or want to talk further!
Reply:My husband isn't like that, but I think he's really unique. I think your's sounds like a typical guy and if you don't like this stuff about him now, you're going to hate it in a few years when you're wearing the old ball and chain. Normally I don't refer to marriage as a ball and chain but that's what they become when you don't particularly like your spouse.
Reply:I am sorry to hear that. I think that every woman should receive flowers, cards, etc. It's sweet and it's a nice way to show you care. Just yesterday my husband brought me a flower at work just because...


You might need to be more direct about what you want with him. Or accept the fact that he is not that type of guy and you aren't going to be able to change him.
Reply:I'm sure it doesn't mean he doesn't care for you. You just got a guy who is not very romantic! He probably won't change either, since it sounds like he has always been this way. Tell him how you feel and hopefully he will reassure you that he IS excited, even if you couldn't see it.
Reply:Men think about things a lot differently than we do. It kind of sucks that he doesn't take a hint though... Maybe you should sit him down and tell him that it's the little things that count to you and he should really get on the ball about it.
Reply:when it no longer provides benefit to one or both partners. In other words, if you aren’t getting what you want or need from being with someone, or if you recognize that your partner isn’t getting what they want or need it’s time to move on.
Reply:No, not all men are like this. However, YOU are the one who chose him to date, to get engaged to, to have as the father of your child. So it's on you...


Good luck.
Reply:Men are born this way. He will never change. You will need to get used to it as long as you can trust him and you know that he loves you.
Reply:My man isn't that romantic either and it used to bother me alot, and I came to realize he just didn't know how to be romantic..sometimes when he tried to be romantic i wouldn't pick up on it...so point of the story he might do other things for you that he thinks is romantic and you might not just pick up on it..just because he doesn't buy flowers or anything maybe its the way he talks to you or hugs you..something like that..
Reply:Maybe he shows his appreciation for you in a different way that you're simply overlooking? As if you were speaking different languages? No matter how many times a Chinese person gonna tell me something in Chinese, I will never understand; and if he doesn't speak English, we'll never be able to communicate. One of you has to learn the other's language - well, ideally, both of you would make a mutual attempt to learn the other's language. So, he doesn't do what you would like him to do. Do YOU do what HE would like you to do? Sounds like he's not into "little notes", as much as you might be. I mean, if my husband started bringing me cards and flowers, I would have thought he was ill; this is just not the way we express ourselves. But it means the world to me when he's always willing to listen to me rant about stress at work or to drive to the store when I'm out of milk. He's very even-tempered, and he's not the kind of guy to get "excited" and jump up and down. But when he says "thank you" for something I'd done for him, I know he means it and that he's thankful, it's not just a figure of speech.





If your partner cares about you, you should be able to feel it - and it's not only expressed by bringing you flowers. There are many ways your mate can express his care for you. If you don't FEEL that he cares... perhaps he doesn't? In this case, no amount of flowers will make up for it, anyway.
Reply:I kind of know how you feel! My Fiance never gets me flowers unless I practically tell him to. But at the same time I know he likes to get me things that I want like clothes or shoes. I think it's just his personality. Some guys are very romantic and others just have a harder time doing stuff like that. I would try and think about the things he does for you that shows that he loves you! Like for me, my fiance loves making me happy! Whenever I want something he always gives in because he wants to make me happy! But he never surprises me! I kind of upset me at first because I like surprises but I've just learned to live with him being the way he is and I love him just the same!





I deff know how you feel though! Even though some guys are romantic I think it eventually gets old and the love you share between each is much more deep and flowers are never that important after there dead in there vase! lol...Anyway hope this helps! Congrats on the baby news! I'm excited for you! :)





edit: also forgot to mention that my dad still gets my mom cards and candy and such. I guess that's what made it harder for to except that that is not how my fiance is. But after it's all said and done I absolutely know he loves me. He adores me! That's all that matters! ;)
Reply:Sad to say, but some people (men and women) just aren't outwardly emotional. They DO feel. They just DON'T show it.





Sounds to me like your fella is a fairly extreme case of this.





If he TELLS you he loves you, and says he really means it, then he does.





The question for you is whether the difference in your styles is something the two of you can work on. He might be able to make an attempt to be more demonstrative, even if you need to help by putting a reminder in his Day Timer every couple months saying "Buy flowers for Mini Cupcake".





You might be able to find ways to get some of the expressiveness you want/need from others in your life. That way, you don't need to rely on him for all your emotional boosts.





Good luck. Some of these 'cold fish' can turn around.
Reply:Looks like this question could use a mans perspective.





Here's the (arbitrary selection of) 2 (of the) things that (many) men feel





1. Men want to feel like they can please a woman on their own.


- If a girl asks you do to something even if you were already going to do it, you will feel less inclined to do it, because then it doesn't feel like it was your idea.


- A lot of guys don't get the same feeling for those little things that girls do.


- Here's somethign you can try that minght work: You could always say something like "Just for the record, I really love when you do little things that let me know you are thinking about me", and separately say "I really love (this kind of) flowers" rather than asking specifically for flowers. (use specifics about what you like, don't be too subtle, but don't directly ask him to do one particular thing)


- Have you ever taken it upon yourself to buy hi a pack of beer on your way home from work? (I'm being very stereotypcial here - I know).





2. Men feel the need to hang on to their independence.





- This is a silly one the holds back a lot of guys unfortunately. There is this need to feel independent (partly from the way little boys are often raised)


- Usually it manifests itself by a guy trying to push people away. Most guys understand what they are feeling (because they are often not as well emotionally trained as women) they just feel the need to 'be strong' (which usually means 'don't show emotion'). That's probably why he's not showing excitement about the baby. He probably has this sense of needing to be strong but not really understanding what he is feeling or why.


- Having a kid is a big thing. I'm sure he'll be excited in time if he can realize that he isn't losing independence but rather gaining interdependence!
Reply:I know what you're going through. I'm going through the same. I dont know what to tell you cause i'm trying to figure it out myself. my boyfriend and i arent engaged and arent expecting, but I buy him cards on valentines day and his birthday and all that, and I normally have to remind him about stuff like that.





I wish I could answer your question, but all I CAN do is let you know you're not the only one in that situation and I hope you two can figure something out.





My GUESS is that he just grew up in a family where they didnt give special gestures to one another like that, or maybe something happened in their past that caused them to be the way they are, like an ex-girlfriend they did everything for and just got screwed over by her, something like that. I'm still trying to figure mine out.
Reply:Some guys are just like that, most are clueless as to what we want unless we specifically tell them! If I were in your place I would feel that way too. I would think he would at least be excited about the baby (but it may have been shock more than anything, really). I would talk to him about it and tell him how you feel, just dont attack him about it. Just say hey, this is what i'm feeling and I just want to know if you are excited or how you are feeling. He may be one of those people who just find it hard to open up.
Reply:Like many have said, guys just think differently than girls. He'll never understand you exaclty, but the fact that you tell him what bothers you, yet he doesnt do anything about it (i.e. buy you flowers when you ask) means something is a bit wrong. He could be seeing the bigger picture by thinking that because he doesnt spend money on flowers you will have more money to start a family with. He may think that he is being thoughtful, and even though he thinks he sees the big picture, he loses sight of the fact that you're hurting because it seems like he doesnt care. My fiance grew up in a home where the father was distant and did nothin romantic for the mother. At first, my fiance acted just like his father, but after talking to him, he realized that at times his father was a jerk. He doesnt do little things as often as I'd like, but he does every now and then. I just had to have a serious discussion about it. I told him that little things, not often but sometimes, are very important to me. They make me feel loved and wanted. Him not being excited about the baby is a bit scary. I'll give you that he may feel scared that he's not capable of such a responsibility. After all, taking care of a child is a HUGE responsibility. However, you should really be able to talk to him about this and why it concerns you that he's not excited if you're going to spend the rest of your life with him. If you cant talk to him and get an honest answer, that should throw up a red flag about the relationship.





No you're def not asking too much. You deserve to be loved and appreciated, and at least every now and then feel appreciated. It does not have to be in material things, such as flowers, but you should at least be assured that he cares.





Hope this helped some...sorry its so long. I just feel you pain, sister. Congrats on the baby!
Reply:I know how you feel, in a way. My ex husband use to get me flowers all the time. My fiance has no clue!! I don't blame him though because he was a bachelor for a long time and he just doesn't know the idea of romance so I don't give him a hard time because he does try!! With you being pregnant though, I would ask him if he is excited. Maybe he is in shock, or maybe that is just how he is, like oh cool we are having a baby and that is it. You just need to talk to him about how you feel about his reaction.
Reply:Men are different from women. They think differently, act differently and talk differently. He may just be the type of man that doesn't get excited over things good or bad. My DH doesn't give me flowers or cards or little notes but I know he loves me with all his heart because he shows me in the big ways. Men usually look at the big picture and women look at the details. Don't expect too much. Be happy that he is standing by you and not running in the opposite direction because he's havng a child. A lot of men would do that. That in and of itself shows that he loves you and is looking forward to the birth of his child.
Reply:Have you ever heard of the book "The 5 Love Languages"? I've never read it, but heard the main points. It's mainly saying that people have different love languages, and that we may have a completely different type of way of showing our love than our significant other. The factor is, trying to find what the other persons love languages are and showing your love to them through their love language... and in vise verse... he would be able to express his love to you.





On a more serious note, if this is a great concern for you you really should sit down and talk to him. Not buying you flowers... that happens. But him not really showing any excitement over a baby and not showing much emotion... that needs to be addressed.
Reply:I'm so sorry to hear this. I know how you must be feeling. I don't think its too much to ask to feel appreciated. Does he do anything else you can think of that shows appreciation in his own way? Maybe he's clueless of what to do. Or maybe he's a guy who feels odd about being romantic. If so, then you have that very hard decision of asking yourself if thats something you can live with. And if not, then you know what to do, as hard as it may be. Congrats on the baby though! It is a very exciting time. :)
Reply:Check out this link:


http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/learn.h...





This guy claims that there are five love "languages" that exist, and to feel appreciated and loved, your partner has to realize the ones you primarily respond to.


They are:


Acts of service (like working on a car, or doing laundry)


Words of affirmation (like complimenting, or encouraging)


Quality Time (just spending time together)


Receiving Gifts ("visual symbols of love")


Physical Touch.





It sounds to me like you're most concerned with giving gifts and words of affirmation. These are NOT typical guy "love languages" *(for guys, the most common would likely be acts of service, physical touch, and perhaps gifts next, with words of affirmation way down the list). It's pretty clear that he doesn't understand how to communicate his love the right way.


(But it's not fair for you to say "if I was a guy I would do all these sweet things for my girl..." What's fair is that if you were in a relationship with YOURSELF, you'd do them, because you know that's what you'd want. There are many, many women on this planet who find no pleasure whatsoever in cut flowers or cards but would do anything to get their guy to help with the laundry or cook dinner and do the dishes once a month... And JUST ABOUT no guy buys a card for his significant other for anything except maybe their anniversary and her birthday.)





What I'd do?


(1) Focus on the ways he DOES express his love. Does he do chores without being asked? Does he tell you he loves you every day? Does he give you physical affection (not just sex) regularly? See! He loves you and doesn't neglect you.


(2) Tell him how you feel. Both specifically (i.e. buy me flowers once in a while) and generally (expressions of your feelings make me feel important in your life; expressions of your love through little gifts tell me that you're thinking about me even when I'm not around, and that makes me feel a part of your life. Tell him WHY: Not just because you like him to spend money on you (that's not the point in your case) but because it shows that he's thinknig about you... that he's going out of his way to get you something.


(3) Go back to No.1, because your guy may or may not be able to adjust to your requests. Guys don't change much; just remember how he does show his love for you.





Good luck.
Reply:Hon you are 14 no boy your age is going to be sympathetic. Especially about a baby.



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